Masturbation, what’s the problem? Last night, Văn Sinh N. left us this message on the contact page of SOSPorn:

“Help me overcome masturbation. Thank you so much.”

We can clearly see through this example: a man asking for help…

What is masturbation ?

Masturbation is the solitary pursuit of sexual pleasure through arousal of genital parts. It’s frequent at adolescence when sexual urges start appearing. It can be supported by fantasies, consumption of pornography, etc. There is always a link between porn and masturbation, even if this is not true of the opposite.

But what’s the problem?

The real problem with masturbating, is the pursuit of pleasure centred on ourselves, without a real relationship nor true tenderness.

This can provoke an obsession or a guilt which will poison your life!

Masturbation is also an escape from or over-compensation for certain frustrations: loneliness, lack of love, etc; It can hide a secret wound. But masturbation is not the solution. It’s the contrary, it imprisons us in the problem. It’s a quick escape… and for Christians it’s a sin because it cuts us off from the love of God, source of all love.

 

Two tendencies TO AVOID:

1. TRIVIALISING masturbation like it’s a necessary part of looking after your body or a normal and positive way of discovering your sexuality.

Masturbation is not harmless!

2. DRAMATISING masturbation like it’s the dirtiest and most shameful thing ever. No: our body is beautiful and pleasure is justified!

The problem is not then physical, but mental:

1. If it becomes a habit, masturbation weakens our personality (dependency). It affects our sense of fulfilment because of sexual obsession, the feeling of failure, or guilt.

2. Masturbating can also paralyse our romantic relationships through its pursuit of individual and climactic pleasure instead of living a true RELATIONSHIP based on love and shared pleasure. This can cause a partner to suffer deeply.

And you, what do you think? Come and talk about it with us through the live chat’ (anonymous and free discussion):

Going further:

• What’s wrong with masturbation ?
• Porn and masturbation, the same battle?
• Liberated from pornography by Carlo Acutis

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Source: response freely adapted for Sosporno.net/Sosporn.org from a page in the booklet for teenagers Succeed in your sentimental and sexual life, Brother Jean-Benoît Casterman, Editions des Beatitudes.

Impossible ? No, difficult probably !

That’s why you clicked on this article. It depends on each person, their life path and their physical, moral and spiritual capacities. So there is no need to compare yourself to others, you are unique, and you don’t see other people when they are alone at home facing their urges.

The athlete model

As in many other areas, in order to handle your urges, you need to keep in mind the athlete’s step-by-step approach. If you want to control your urges all at once, you risk to fail and become discouraged, just as if you sign up for the Olympic Games even though you don’t do any sport.

It is easy to admit that for a physical practice, you must start with a regular training adapted to your physical condition, completed with a healthy diet, then you join a local club, and then you register and qualifie for departmental, regional, national, and finally international competitions… or not! Not everyone reaches the podium of the highest competition, in fact there are only three places per competition.

To handle your urges, it’s the same, it’s a path of progression, and you don’t know at the beginning, what level you will reach.

Use your urges rather than trying to hold them back

Fighting against urges can quickly become exhausting. Especially since today’s society, with its films, advertisements and clothing fashions, etc., over-stimulates our desires and our sexuality, and this is no small thing. We must be aware of this situation in order to manage it as well as possible, to anticipate it and also to relieve ourselves of some of sexual urges that run through us and seem to be out of control, which the world tries to exacerbate in us.

Accepting setbacks to continue to progress

Wanting to be perfect, is the risk of being proud, pretentious, or too scrupulous, and above all failing, and then being in a paralyzing guilt. This is why God asks for repentance and humility, not guilt. Our failures help us to remain humble. Jesus did not experience sin, but on the way to the cross, the trial being difficult, he fell three times, got up and kept going. We should try to follow his example.

A supernatural boost

Christians offer solutions such as prayer and the sacraments as confession to help us evolve and remain in control of our instincts and urges, unlike animals who remain submissive because they have no free will or soul. To learn more, start a dialogue with one of our volunteers using the live chat. We are waiting for you!