How to channel sexual desire: 7 decisions to make
Nicolas* explains how he took 7 decisions, to put things in place in his life, and to channel his sexual desire.
Don’t deny your sexual desire, but channel it into a life project you have.
“Sexual desire can sometimes be extremely invasive, especially in a deeply erotised society, where it’s continuously being triggered by images (adverts, film scenes, etc.) For us men, it is not always easy to stay chaste!
Here are 7 decisions which helped me to live chastity, as a single-person:
- Recognise and fully accept my desire, and the sexual impulses that reside in me.
It’s a beautiful energy, a force, which is given to us as a man or a woman to move forward, to get us engaged. Don’t deny it’s presence, but channel it, reorientating it towards a life project.
- Use my reason to make an interior step
To understand what sexual fulfilment is. What are my dreams? To be able to give myself fully to the one I love, or pass from one sexual encounter to the next? What do I imagine my future wife to be like? To have slept with a lot of different men? Why then shouldn’t I reserve myself for her?
- Imagine myself after my urges:
If I’m tempted to watch porn, masturbate or have a ‘one night stand’: imagine myself after having succumbed to my impulses: How would I be feeling?
A deep joy, an interior peace? Or sadness, deception, anger, loss of self-confidence?
- Avoid idleness
The ideal conditions for impurity! Take up projects, join a charity, give myself for others… stop being centred on myself.
Evacuate natural bodily tension. Temptations are much fewer!
- “Know yourself”
Don’t trigger the temptation spiral, it’s sure to get the better of me and take me always further than I want!
Avoid situations where I know I’ll lose control and in doing so, my liberty. For example: Drinking too much one evening could encourage a flirting game, which could quickly turn into heading off to her place or mine. Starting with little erotic video clips will lead into searching for pornography. The first click often leads me down that slippery slope!
Ask Jesus for his strength, and receive regularly the sacraments of Confession and the Eucharist. Confession is a really concrete way of picking yourself up again and moving forward. When we recognise our mistakes, Christ meets us, forgives us and sets us free.
“And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.’” (John 8:11)
- How to rediscover your unity and freedom in 10 steps?
- Why do i keep falling, in spite of all the efforts i make?
- Liberated from pornography by Carlo Acutis
(*) Source text: He is Alive! – July/August/September 2021 – N°352.