What does pornography do to marriages? *

To be blunt, pornography is the perfect way to shoot your future marriage in the head. Imagine that a young man has a habit of using pornography, and he does not reveal this to his fiancée.

He hopes that once he is married, the desires for illicit sexual arousal will subside. But what becomes of his lust once he marries? It does not disappear; it is foisted upon his wife. The pornography has trained him to react to the sexual value of a woman and nothing else. He has trained himself to believe that women should be physically flawless and constantly sexually accessible.

• Read also : What does pornography do to women ?

Even if he rejects this intellectually, the fact remains that pornography has warped the way he looks at women. You could say that he views the world through porn-goggles. He only knows how to look at women through the lens of lust. One psychologist who specializes in sexuality problems noticed, “the more time you spend in this fantasy world, the more difficult it becomes to make the transition to reality.”[1]

Provided a man’s wife is a life-size Barbie doll with a squad of makeup artists and hairdressers who follow her around the house, things might run smoothly for a time. But when reality confronts fantasy, the man will be left disillusioned, and the woman’s self image will suffer. No real-life woman can ever fulfill his disordered desires and fantasies. They focus solely upon self-centered gratification rather than mutual self-giving and joy in pleasing one’s spouse.

One woman explained that if a man’s real-life partner is not always as available sexually and willing to do whatever he wishes as the women he has fantasized about, he may accuse her of being a prude. If she looks normal, and unlike the models he has come to adore, he may accuse her of being fat. If she has needs, the passive images in the magazines, then she may seem too demanding for him.[2]

 

In other words, he will be quick to blame his disorder on her; his fantasies will have robbed him of the ability to be truly intimate with his wife. One reason he is unable to have healthy intimacy with his wife is because intimacy is not an escape from reality but the capacity to see the beauty of the other. The presence of lust in the heart of the man blocks his ability to view the woman as a person. He has reduced her to an object and ignored her value as a person. When this happens he forfeits love. True intimacy is impossible.

It has been said that the problem with pornography is not simply that it shows too much but that it shows too little. It reduces a woman to nothing more than her body. Thus a man will assume that the greater the body, the greater the value of the woman. With this mindset men not only expect their future wives to look no less perfect than Miss September; they also don’t appreciate a woman’s most beautiful and precious qualities, since a centerfold display can never reveal these. This drives men to look elsewhere in an impossible quest to satisfy their lust. After all, pornography fosters the false mentality that casual, uncommitted sex is the most fulfilling and enjoyable. Who does not want to be fulfilled?

One response to the marital dissatisfaction often caused by pornography habits is to bring pornography into the bedroom. This is a vain effort on the part of the man to have the illicit excitement he has formed an attachment to. The poor wife may allow this, but the joy of loving has escaped the man, who no longer sees the value of the person and the need to deny himself for her. Married couples who use pornography find that their marital problems only worsen. If a husband needs to pretend that his wife is someone else in order for him to be excited, then he will become less and less drawn to her. Instead of making love to her, he is destroying love between them. At the very moment he is supposed to be renewing his wedding vows with his body, he’s committing adultery in his mind.

Sexual dissatisfaction: don’t try porn!

Because the effects of pornography are so severe, Christian men and women have an obligation to rid their lives of it. According to Pope John Paul II, God “assigns the dignity of every woman as a task to every man.”[3] When we act in a way that is contrary to the dignity of others, we act contrary to our own dignity. For this reason, the Holy Father says, “each man must look within himself to see whether she who was entrusted to him as a sister in humanity, as a spouse, has not become in his heart an object of adultery.”[4]

Even if pornography had no adverse effects on people, we must never forget that sin is not simply a social matter. We owe it to our neighbors to love them, but we also owe it to God to honor him in all our actions and thoughts. To lust after his daughters is a grave sin, even if no one becomes pregnant as a result of another’s imagination.

“So shun youthful passions and aim at righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart” (2 Tim. 2:22).

So, what do you think about it? Do you fear for your (future) marriage because of a porn addiction? Come and talk to us via the live chat’! (Free and anonymous listening service)

To go further about porn addiction (from the same author):

• What does the Catholic Church say about pornography?
• What’s wrong with looking at pornography?
• What does pornography do to women?

Read also:

• Edgar’s testimony: “what if marriage could resolve my problem?”
• “My husband was miraculously cured through Carlo Acutis thanks to SOS Porn!”
• Will marriage resolve my pornography addiction?

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(*) Source : A text by Jason Evert from his book If You Really Loved Me (Chastity Project, 2007), freely adapted for SOSporno.net/SOSporn.org. Author of many other books on male-female love, he and his wife Crystalina run the website chastityproject.com and live with their children in Colorado.

Notes

(1). Marriott, “Men and Porn,” The Guardian (November 8, 2003).
(2). Laurie Hall, “When Fantasy Meets Reality” (www.pureintimacy.org).
(3). Pope John Paul II, general audience, November 24, 1982. As quoted by Man and Woman He Created Them, 519.
(4). Pope John Paul II, apostolic letter, Mulieris Dignitatem 14 (On the Dignity and Vocation of Women) (Boston: Pauline Books & Media, 1988).

 

Prayer for deliverance from porn addiction, what good can it do?

Some people may doubt in it: so prayer for deliverance from porn, does it really work?

Prier pour être délivré du porno est efficace

There really are people who exist, who have been healed from porn, through prayer: you’ll find numerous testimonies just like Etienne’s, here on this website, attesting to exactly that. Catholics who are specialists in this area confirm it works too!

We should believe in the healing power of prayer, which isn’t “magic”: if God wants to instantly heal someone, he can do it. After all, he’s God and he can do what he likes! However, sometimes, he asks people to be accompanied by something extra, like a therapist for example, or to follow a programme. And that’s why praying for healing is not incompatible with other possible forms of healing!

Because prayer is necessary in every case. It can sometimes be the first step towards healing, and the origin of its path.

People can also use this prayer on behalf of someone close to them, experiencing this addiction.

Prayer is a continual spiritual support, for holding firm and passing the milestones.

Prayer can also be a support after finishing a programme, in not falling again. Never forget, without God we can do nothing, but with God, anything is possible!

“Without me, you can do nothing”

“Anything is possible for God”

Getting out of porn? Some quick tips!

You want to get out of porn ? Here are some quick and practical tips to quit your addiction !

1. Talking about it. (it’s at least a start)

Talk about it with one of your relatives, your friends or anyone who’s kind with you, who will not judge you and will encourage you : because, alas, porn is truly an addiction which locks you up and makes you feel sad. 

2. Getting some help (it’s essential)

It’s quite impossible to win this war by yourself : this is the reason why you need some help. You can find some specific help – as on this website- or a more regular one -with a priest’s help, for the spiritual aspects of this fight. You can too find help with a therapist, some of them know particularly well the subject, and will receive in consultations. Unfortunately, a lot of people face the same difficulties as you do. Don’t be afraid to knock at their door ! 

3. Confession use

This is for the spiritual side : if you’ve been baptized, leave your addiction into Jesus’ arms. Go and see the same priest for confession, each time you’re falling. It will be a good help ! Unlike family dishes, the more you go to confession, the less it wears out. And the more you receive God’s help to go through ! And if you’re not baptized, well, ask for baptism ! (Just come and talk with us on the Chat, you’ll see, being christian changes life!)

4. Ask for the sacrament of the sick.

And, why not ? After all, if you feel overwhelmed, unable to resist in front of this addiction ? Talk with your priest, knowing that you certainly could receive this sacrament discreetly. The gifts received to face your problem will be  numerous.

5. Following a healing journey

Several of them exist and are very well made and are free. We strongly recommand the  journey « Free to love »,that can be followed by e-mail (find out more)

6. Ask for a deliverance prayer

We offer one of them on this website ! Warning, this is not a magical formula, but it can help a lot, and, if God wants it, it can heal you too !

What about you ? Where are you now on that subject ? Come and talk with us on the « Live Chat » !  (Anonymous and free listening). 

 

Going further:

• Prayer for deliverance from porn addiction, what good can it do?
• Liberated from pornography by Carlo Acutis
• “Jesus delivered me from porn”

What is porn? Good question!

“The people are more easily enslaved with pornography, than with watchtowers”

– Alexandre Soljenitsyne

The word pornography comes from the Greek words pornê: prostitute and graphein: describe. Up until a century ago, pornography was limited to describing sexual encounters with prostitutes.

This has almost nothing in common with what we can find on the internet today: paedophilia, scatophiliac, bestiality, sadomasochism, rape etc. We cannot yet measure the fallout of the X-rated world, and the consequences this new drug has on the brain. It concerns perverseness and machoism towards women.

• Read also : What does pornography do to women ?

People imagine the life of “X-rated” stars to be the stuff of dreams, thinking they take pleasure in making hardcore films. This is entirely false, as Shelley Lubben, an american former actress testifies in her autobiography.

Besides, increasing numbers of health professionals are warning against the serious damage caused by porn in young people.

• Read also : What are the consequences of porn on your health ?

Lastly, from the point of view of society, it’s disastrous…

• Read also : How does porn effect society ?

All is not lost! We can be healed from porn; we can even find God!

• See video: Ex-porn star finds Jesus, quits adult film industry

And you, what do you think? What is porn? Come and talk to us through the live chat (anonymous and free discussion):

Going further:

• Porn: What’s the problem?
• Ran Gavrieli: “Why I stopped watching porn”
• “Jesus delivered me from porn”

 

Pornography and masturbation, are they sinful?

When someone asks whether something they’ve done is a sin or not, it means they’re already on a path, searching for truth. It’s even more important when the question concerns intimacy or our romantic choices. In life, it’s always important to ask questions and find answers to give sense to our acts. So, pornography and masturbation, are they sinful?

Symptom of suffering

The first thing we have to understand is that watching pornography or masturbating are often symptoms of something else the person is going through. Solitude, frustration, becoming discouraged, quickly lead people to emotionally compensate in ways which are of course insufficient and so create an addiction. There are also cases where we fall into certain ‘practices’ caused by a false vision of sexuality where people are considered only as objects for pleasure (including yourself).

On the ‘spiritual’ side of things

Spiritually speaking; pornography and masturbation are considered in the Bible and in Judaic-Christian tradition, as sinful, because their egocentric nature means they are purely focused on personal satisfaction. And this contradicts the human vocation: of being a gift for others. In pornography, the relationship between the persons taking part is not the fruit of reciprocal love, and the sexual intercourse is artificial and staged; in masturbation, there is absolutely no relationship between persons, and so, the other exists only as a product of imagination. For an act to be good, it must always be ordered towards the good of others and yourself. Sin is “an act or a thought which opposes Love”.

Pornography and masturbation, serious sins… or not?

The production of pornographic material is considered as a serious sin. However, sins of ‘impurity’ such as masturbation or looking at pornographic material can’t be judged as serious ‘at a first glance’; the emotional, psychological and spiritual state of the person must always be considered. To give an example, it’s very difficult for a teenager to manage their sexuality, they haven’t yet learnt about everything, and hormonal changes can reduce their freedom to choose. What is sure, no matter the situation, these sexual practices will always provoke emotional ‘disorder’ in us, which over time risks encouraging our narcissism.

How do I stop?

Every time we fall into masturbation or pornography, we’re damaging our capacity to love, so, in this case, it’s really important to make acts of altruism or generosity towards others. Charity is the best medicine for treating egoism. Of course, it can be very useful to talk about it with a priest, to confess our weaknesses and feel forgiven by God. In cases where the practice has taken root, it’s also good to talk about it with a specialist, to try and see exactly what it is that leads us to act in this way.

We’re here for you! Don’t hesitate to talk to us and ask us your questions:

Going further:

• Porn and masturbation, the same battle?
• Is porn true sexuality?
• What’s wrong with masturbation?